Every year, I get filled with giddyness about the year ahead. A fresh start! An official close to the year before! 365 upcoming days FULL of opportunity and potential!
In mid-December, I told Ian I was excited to do a 2023 recap and 2024 look ahead on one of our walks in the Cairngorms over New Year’s time. I wanted to save that moment of reflection and planning until that idyllic scene, knowing my fingers would be itching to record it down after and publish it to this Substack world.
We did, in fact, have that conversation. And it was, in fact, idyllic.
But I have not felt that finger-itching moment of writing it down.
I haven’t felt that sense of accomplishment of 2023 and excitement for 2024 that the New Year time usually brings.
Don’t get me wrong - I’m extremely proud of our 2023 and we have a huge thing to be excited about in 2024. We’re having a baby in late June! And while it’s still an abstract situation in my mind that’s slowly starting to feel a bit more real, I am excited about it.
But, that sense of giddyness of the new year hasn’t hit yet and it has made me feel a bit disheartened.
Maybe it means that my pride and excitement was felt in the moment, rather than a tidy end of year recap? Maybe it means that I know how much our world will absolutely change in June or July and instead of trying to plan for every scenario, my mind has accepted that it won’t know until it comes? Maybe this is just a sign that all the therapy I did in 2022 and 2023 is working! Maybe it’s just the pregnancy!
Who knows!
2023 Highs & Lows
I do want to put some of our 2023 reflection’s conversation in writing though, as much to share as to record for ourselves.
After 11 months of trying, we finally got pregnant!
Our engagement (very much a high!)
“Graduated” from therapy
Finished our hallways, which to me is four rooms: Entryway, Mud Room, Library and Long Hallway. We also finished our laundry room.
Got a new (American-style) fridge and better washer / dryer.
Finished the first draft of my book. It’s a thick piece of Swiss cheese, but it’s a step!
My new role at work finally clicked into place this year and does bring me happiness
My grandma passed away, but I was able to see my whole family (immediate and extended) for an extra week this year. There was a really special moment shared with them on the porch at my cousin’s house. A family-friend and a friend also passed away this year.
We took our first trip with my parents to Portugal and Spain, which was really fun.
Ian’s dad was on-off in the hospital for a bit earlier this year (he’s all fine now).
Our trip to Puglia was really fantastic, eventful but relaxing.
I had a 6-week period of exhaustion with a ‘black veil’ over my brain early in the pregnancy, which made me feel pretty low and sad. Thankfully, that’s over now.
My spark with writing ebbed and flowed. It was really strong for most of the year, but I have to admit it’s felt almost extinguished in November and December.
My weekly writing group has grown closer, and I joined a new virtual one with Donna Freitas, which was a joy on Thursday nights.
Joined a gym that makes me more excited to move my body, and has a heated outdoor pool in Scotland!
For three months, I finally mastered the early riser routine. Fell off a cliff during that 6-week dark period though.
Looking Ahead to 2024
I usually choose a Word of the Year each new year. Last year, my word was “Consistency”. If I’m honest, it was a very boring word. I think I succeeded 50% of the time, which I think might be constituted as failure for a word like “Consistency”, but oh well.
For 2024, I’m choosing two words. Having a baby in the middle of the year is an easy demarkation of what my year will look like. For the first half of the year, my word is “Finish”. For the second half of the year, my word is “Open”.
There are loads of things we would like to finish before the baby comes, hence that word. Our bathroom, our bedroom, setting up the nursery, taking down a wall, partially our living room, second draft of my book, work projects. Will we get it all done? Likely not. But, we will try.
I have absolutely no concept of what our life will look like once the baby does come, hence the word “Open” for the second half of the year. I want to be open to the chaos, the love, the change in routines, new people coming into our lives, all the unknowns. Though this word will likely stop at other people’s opinions or advice - we’ll figure out what works for us.
Some moments I’m looking forward to in 2024:
Finding out the sex (and therefore the name!) of our baby
Meeting our baby for the first time!
Getting my writing spark back
Getting my early morning routines back
Seeing the sky get lighter earlier and stay lighter longer
Watching the hundreds of bulbs pop up in our garden
All the moments that will come with a baby (though I’m not particularly looking forward to the actual birth)
A glass of cold white wine in the sunny, warm garden
A cold, deli meat sandwich with pickles and sriracha mayo
Nine months of mat leave!
Seeing Ian in his father role
My parents visiting us: introducing them to our baby and taking them to the Fringe
Feeling the baby move
Seeing my close college friends at a wedding
Seeing my immediate and extended family later this month and for most of December
Watching Finn become a big fur brother (lol)
Working towards finishing my second draft
Showering in our new bathroom
Moving our bedroom furniture into our renovated bedroom
Setting up the nursery in what is now our bedroom
Digging out a closed fireplace in our bedroom
Laying floors in our bedroom and living room
Painting our bedroom and living room
Getting off Instagram
Reading the new Crescent City 3 book
And hopefully, many more treasured, small moments.
What are you looking forward to in 2024?